No matter the reason – job relocation, offense, retirement, God-call, bored – people leave churches, AND EVERY pastor knows the awkward feeling that accompanies the realization that a part of a local congregation is exiting to somewhere else. Here are five tips to help you handle that awkward moment. I hope I remember them the next time I have to face it!
#1 – Don’t beg them to stay.
If you have to beg them to stay today, you’ll be begging again, but in the end, they won’t be staying. Years ago, I asked my dad what I should say when someone tells me they feel like leaving the church. Dad said, “Tell them, ‘If God called you to leave, don’t let the church door hit your backside on the way out!'” There is some wisdom in that quip. Delaying the move usually brings irritation, not harmony.
#2 – Avoid the urge to defend yourself.
Don’t attack their reasons. Do your very best to listen and to hold your tongue. Resist the desire to deliver a good comeback line. You’ll want to take it personally, but your emotions don’t need to rule you in that moment. You will have time later to process the validity of what they say – true or not.
#3 – Release with a blessing.
Bless their journey! You want God’s best for them. Don’t sabotage their entrance into another local congregation. Never curse them. Speak the truth, but don’t condemn them. That moment isn’t easy for them either, and if they have the integrity to talk to you, thank them, bless them, pray for them (if they allow).
#4 – Keep an open door – of your church and of your heart.
Don’t hold on to offense. This won’t be the last time you walk through a moment like this, but don’t allow yourself to become jaded or unfeeling. It hurts! Yes, it HURTS! Sheep bite, but you are still a shepherd. Leading people includes accepting them even if they reject your leadership. And, sometimes, people do come back.
#5 – After the face-to-face goodbye, make sure you get face-to-face with God.
Close, intimate relationship with the Chief Shepherd Jesus Christ is necessary to be an effective under-shepherd. Cast all your anxiety upon Him for He cares for you. Pray. Receive fresh grace and peace! You’ll need it as you evaluate what just happened. And for this type of awkward moment, success is first received before it is achieved.
WOAH! I was just about to post this, got interrupted by a phone call, and then walked right into a short meeting with close friends when – you guessed it! – they said, “We are leaving.” Ouch. It’s time for me to do #5. Lord, help me!
