Christ-follower, Husband, Dad, Pastor

Devotional

April 21, 2013

10 Routines of Church Leaders

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young [or old, rich, poor, fat, short, talented, hungry, popular, angry, happy, sleepy, married, single, dating, lonely, busy, misunderstood, well-educated, anything else] but SET AN EXAMPLE for the believers in SPEECH, in CONDUCT, in LOVE,  in FAITH, and in PURITY.” (1 Timothy 4:12 NIV)

Church leaders in particular should be the living example of the basic philosophies and standards of the congregation of which they are a part. God’s purposes are hindered if even a few leaders ignore or lazily adopt basic values like holiness, loving people, praying, worshiping, witnessing, and reaching out to needy people. Leaders, let me add ten more routines of which you as a leader should set an example.

1. You are a leader – sit near the front center during worship.

2. You are a leader – pray before service.

3.  You are a leader – arrive on time for leadership responsibilities.

4. You are a leader – participate in worship, not simply as a spectator, but with fervent prayer and enthusiastic expression.

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6. You are a leader – practice hospitality and be a good host.

7. You are a leader – support those preaching by saying “amen” and taking notes.

8.  You are a leader – exhibit a positive attitude as a person of faith.

9. You are a leader – be a part, if possible, of weddings, funerals, or other significant events in the congregation.

10. You are a leader – guard your mouth and help stop conversations chewing up another leader’s performance or reputation. “If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” (Galatians 5:15 NIV)

It is absolutely clear that God has called you to a free life. Just make sure that you don’t use this freedom as an excuse to do whatever you want to do and destroy your freedom. Rather, use your freedom to serve one another in love; that’s how freedom grows. For everything we know about God’s Word is summed up in a single sentence: Love others as you love yourself. That’s an act of true freedom. If you bite and ravage each other, watch out—in no time at all you will be annihilating each other, and where will your precious freedom be then? (Galatians 5:13-15 MSG)

April 20, 2013

Grandmother’s Plants

My (mom’s mom) grandmother’s porch and front yard featured beautiful potted plants with amazingly rich colors, prolific growth, and vibrant health. People from around that north Mississippi community would regularly come to see her plants and declare that she had a “green thumb”. Hey, I held her hand and Grandmother Martin didn’t have a green thumb, but she certainly knew how to trigger plant life.

I easily discovered her secret to beautiful plants. Every time I stayed with Grandmother, I saw her talk to those plants and touch their leaves and branches as if she were petting a kitten. She would talk to them like they had emotions and would carefully provide water and nutrients. Grandmother appreciated the power of words upon her garden. In fact, I think she talked more sweetly to her plants than she did to my grandfather!

I learned a lot about the power of words as I observed those plants, but I am still learning about the power of my words.

Words mold life. Words shape families, pets, and even plants. At the recent VFCA Science Fair, one young lady’s experiment vividly illustrated the plant receiving gentle encouragement appeared much healthier than the plant without it. As you appreciate the power of your words, I hope you also realize the responsibility of your words.

Your words are formidable.

  • “Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.” (Proverbs 12:18 NLT)
  •  “The tongue can speak words that bring life or death.” (Proverbs 18:21a ERV)

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Are you building up or tearing down; healing or hurting; producing life or driving death; encouraging or discouraging; blessing or cursing? Your kids are listening – are you speaking words of life? Your spouse needs your wellspring of life-giving speech. What is the impact of your words upon your own life and upon the lives of others?

It’s your heart, not the dictionary, that gives meaning to your words. A good person produces good deeds and words season after season. An evil person is a blight on the orchard. Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation. (Matthew 12:35-37 MSG)

If you are really focused on Christ, you will be changed more and more into His likeness. Baby talk is appropriate for a baby, but maturing Christ-followers should reflect more and more the vocabulary of Christlikeness. Are you allowing the work of the Holy Spirit to transform your speech? Words spring from your heart, so guard your heart. Exclude bitterness, offense, hatred, unforgiveness, hurt, or anything else hampering your ability to speak life.

  • “May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14 NLT)
  •  “Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it.” (Ephesians 4:29 AMP)

Use your words to bless to declare what God desires. 

April 19, 2013

Focus on Heaven

God’s Word calls us to focus on heaven, but focus does not come automatically. We must choose to seek heaven, think heaven, and live like a citizen of heaven – while we are still on earth. Look to the Lord; don’t become centered on your circumstances.

  • “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things (Colossians 3:2 NIV).”
  • “Don’t shuffle along, eyes to the ground, absorbed with the things right in front of you. Look up, and be alert to what is going on around Christ – that’s where the action is. See things from His perspective (Colossians 3:2 MSG).”
  • “Let heaven fill your thoughts. Do not think only about things down here on earth (Colossians 3:2 NLT).”

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Life on this sin-tarnished planet isn’t always easy, but God hasn’t stepped away from His throne.

Terrorist threats, acrid political quarrels, economic uncertainty, school assignments, lawn maintenance, health care anxiety and an endless list of distracts may be part of the chaos in which you are currently in the middle – BUT God is still on heaven’s throne. Focusing upon the Lord allows you to enjoy His supernatural presence right in the middle of the mess. God’s peace can be found right in the middle of tests, trials, and tribulations.

“We must focus on Jesus, the source and goal of our faith.”  (Hebrews 12:2a GW)

Follow the prophet Micah’s example: “But me, I’m not giving up. I’m sticking around to see what God will do. I’m waiting for God to make things right. I’m counting on God to listen to me.” (Micah 7:7 MSG)

When shaken by a mindboggling enemy, Jehoshaphat knew where to turn (2 Chronicles 20:3). He sought the Lord for help. Consider the words of his prayer, “For we are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but OUR EYES ARE ON YOU.” (2 Chronicles 20:12 NASB) God answered, giving a divine battle plan beyond comprehension. Following God’s instructions, worshipers led the people into the battle and victory was realized.

In what area do you need look to the Lord and get HIS strategy to overcome? Distraction is the enemy’s tool to keep you from receiving God’s direction.

Don’t focus on your circumstances – look to the Lord. Fix your eyes on Jesus!

April 18, 2013

ADVANTAGE

What child turns down a head-start on a race? Hey, even I can win a 100 meter race if you give me a 90 meter lead! What taxpayer chooses not to take an obvious deduction? I give tithes and offerings realizing I am investing in my heavenly bank account, but I enjoy the IRS’s benefit for charitable giving (while it remains available).  Don’t you enjoy having a winning edge playing a board game?  Do you think any one of the girls below would have turned-down a personal early start for the egg hunt?

God sets us up to succeed in life, things “which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them” (Ephesians 2:10). God’s plans are always is to your advantage, whether you think so or not. A thousand years ago, Bernard of Clairvaux wrote, “The goodness of God knows how to use our disordered wishes and actions, often lovingly turning them to our advantage while always preserving the beauty of His order.”

From the disciples’ perspective, Jesus’ departure from earth looked to be a hindrance, an obstruction, a tragedy, a disaster. In reality, it was expedient for Him to leave.

Jesus tried to prepare them: “But I tell you the truth, it is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I go, I will send Him to you.” (John 16:7 NASB)
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Jesus’ return to heaven opened the door for the Spirit to be outpoured. “He would empower them, give them courage, teach them, and make Christ more real to them than He had ever been before.” (Believer’s Bible Commentary, Jn 16:7). Christ’s work released kingdom triumph.

Christ’s death, resurrection, and ascension unleashed the Holy Spirit.

The Holy Spirit gives you an advantage in life. Why would you ever neglect the advantage offered by the Holy Spirit empowerment?

April 17, 2013

THINK LIKE A LEADER

I personally benefited from the excellent professors at Oral Roberts University. In a class focused on equipping others for ministry, Dr. Paul King shared eight qualities that make up the mindset of a leader. As you read through the list and the selected Scriptures, examine your own mindset.

#1  Set an Example by your Character, Reputation, and Public image

“Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, serving as overseers—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not greedy for money, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.” (1 Peter 5:2-3 NIV)

“Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.” (1 Timothy 4:12 NIV)

#2  Have Perspective

“Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.” (Proverbs 29:18 KJV)

“Now it’s up to you. Be on your toes—both for yourselves and your congregation of sheep. The Holy Spirit has put you in charge of these people—God’s people they are—to guard and protect them. God himself thought they were worth dying for.” (Acts 20:28 MSG)

#3  Be Organized

“For if a man does not know how to rule his own household, how is he to take care of the church of God? He must not be a new convert, or he may [develop a beclouded and stupid state of mind] as the result of pride [be blinded by conceit, and] fall into the condemnation that the devil [once] did. Furthermore, he must have a good reputation and be well thought of by those outside [the church], lest he become involved in slander and incur reproach and fall into the devil’s trap.” (1 Timothy 3:5-7 AMP)

#4  Rearrange and Set Priorities

“Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.” (Ephesians 5:15-16 ESV)
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#5  Think Collectively

“If you’ve gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care— then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends. Don’t push your way to the front; don’t sweet-talk your way to the top. Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead. Don’t be obsessed with getting your own advantage. Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.” (Philippians 2:1-4 MSG)

#6  Communicate with People

“Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.” (1 Timothy 3:2-3 NIV)

“And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful.” (2 Timothy 2:24 NIV)

#7  Have a Sense of Ministry

“If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.” (1 Peter 4:11 NIV)

#8  Be a Disciple and a Disciple Maker

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” (Matthew 28:19 NIV)

Evaluate your mindset. Are you thinking like the leader God called you to be?

April 12, 2013

Working Hard or Hardly Working? (Stand Out part 3)

Poise, focus, and work (1 Thessalonians 4:11) draws the respectful attention of even non-believers. “The Christian life is not a nonstop parade of miracles and astonishing answers to prayer and extraordinary visions and angelic visitations. Much of it is low-key, tame, and ordinary.” (Charles Stanley, Life Principles Bible, 1 Th 4:11) However, you can do ordinary things in an enthusiastic, extraordinary way that elicits esteem. You can be a respected STAND OUT.

“Try your best to live quietly, to mind your own business, and to work hard, just as we taught you to do. Then you will be respected by people who are not followers of the Lord, and you won’t have to depend on anyone.” (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 CEV)

Poise, focus, and work will cause you to STAND OUT. Check out “Calm in Chaos?” or “Minding Your Own Business?” for more insight into the first two areas. This post aims at the third question.

#3  WORK: Are You Working Hard – or Hardly Working?

Get to work and STAND OUT. You will earn no respect from onlookers mooching and sponging and depending on others to pay your bills.

  • “Be honest and work hard, so you will have something to give to people in need.” (Ephesians 4:28b CEV)
  • “Whatever you do, do it enthusiastically, as something done for the Lord and not for men.” (Colossians 3:23 HCSB)

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You are working for the Lord. Laziness or a refusal to work hard insolently insults the Lord for whom you serve.

Unfortunately, some of the new believers in the church misunderstood the doctrine of Christ’s return and gave up their jobs in order to wait for His coming. This meant that they were supported by other Christians, some of whom may not have had sufficient funds for their own families. It also meant that these fanatical people could not pay their bills, and therefore they lost their testimony with the unsaved merchants. (Warren W. Wiersbe, The Bible Exposition Commentary, 1 Th 4:11).

“The fact that we are Christians and are looking for Christ’s coming does not relieve us of the practical responsibilities of life. We should remember that the world is watching us. Men judge our Savior by us.” (William MacDonald and Arthur Farstad, Believer’s Bible Commentary : 1 Th 4:11.)

Failure to work results in lost blessings. “But you, lazybones, how long will you sleep? When will you wake up?” (Proverbs 6:9 NLT) Paul bluntly states, “Those unwilling to work will not get to eat.” (2 Thessalonians 3:10b NLT) Don’t waste time; wasting time is really wasting your life. Winston Churchill warned, “Time is neutral, but it can be made the ally of those who will seize it and use it to the full.” Use your life wisely. Get to work!

You have heard this kind of message before? Great! Hear it again! Paul repeats his admonition to the believers at Thessalonica in his second letter: “Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work . . .We command such people and urge them in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and work to earn their own living.” (2 Thessalonians 3:11-12 NLT)

Paul’s words are directed to a Greek culture that generally despised manual labor. Menial or hard labor was considered a slave’s work. Paul’s decision to work as a tentmaker in Thessalonica (1 Thess. 2:6; 2 Thess. 3:6) unsettled the philosophic sensibilities of the world around him. Paul definitely was a STAND OUT. “It was folly in the world’s opinion that a learned teacher should work with his hands.” (Ronald Trail, An Exegetical Summary of 1 Corinthians 1–9, p. 177) Yet, Paul modeled a willingness to work with his hands and commanded the believers to follow his example.

Valley Fellowship Church believes in the benefit of working with your hands. I am honored to be partnered with such as awesome bunch of believers who are glorifying the Lord Jesus Christ in the Tennessee Valley and around the world. We are showing God’s love in practical ways – letting our hands be His tools. Locally and globally, we are reaching out. Below are two examples – building a water treatment center in the Amazon and cleaning up chairs after a recent egg hunt in Huntsville.

To STAND OUT, try the trifecta of poise, focus, and work! Every accomplishment in life starts with a decision. What is your ambition? Will you make the decision to STAND OUT in the world?

April 11, 2013

Minding Your Own Business or Butting In? (Stand Out part 2)

In this tumultuous world, do you STAND OUT? Poise, focus, and work (1 Thessalonians 4:11) in your life draws the respectful attention of even people outside the community of faith. Check out “Calm in Chaos?” for more insight into the first area. This post highlights the second arena – focus.

“Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before. Then people who are not Christians will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others.” (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 NLT)

In Paul’s second letter to Thessalonica, he complains again, “Yet we hear that some of you are living idle lives, refusing to work and meddling in other people’s business.” (2 Thessalonians 3:11 NLT)

#2  FOCUS: Are You Minding Your Own Business – or Butting In Where You Don’t Belong?

You know some folks who are busy, busy only with what is NOT their business. Keep your focus where it should be. Focus on your personal responsibilities.

Stop worrying so much about the performance of others. Don’t put your nose into everything. Don’t go butting your way into conversations or fights or assignments of which you are not a part.

The Greek verb periergazomai is often translated “busybody” in 2 Thessalonians 3:11. Think about the meaning of that word.

  • “to be working round about, instead of at one’s own business . . . to take more pains than enough about a thing, to waste one’s labor, to be meddling with, or bustling about, other people’s matters.” (Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary, p. 85)
  • The word carries the idea “of a person who flits from task to task without really accomplishing anything. It is to busy oneself with trifling matters and to be inquisitive about the affairs of others. (Hayford, Fearless Faith)

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Be busy, not a busybody! God has you on earth at this times in history for a reason, and you need to be busy doing what He has called YOU to do.

Please observe, I am NOT calling for personal isolation. At times, you must shoulder the burdens and concerns of others. If you are a Christ-follower, then minding your business is focused on God’s agenda, seeking first His Kingdom and righteousness (Matthew 6:33).

We are responsible for our own lives and are accountable before God for how we live them. In that sense, everybody is to pull his own weight, contributing to the work of ministry and developing Christlike character; and habits. The one person you can exercise control over is yourself. When you mind your own business, you believe that, in one sense, life is just between you and God. You are accountable to God alone. You care about others, but you carry your own load. In Galatians, Paul wrote, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal. 6:2). A little later he adds, “Each one should carry his own load” (Gal. 6:5). These verses seem contradictory, except the word translated “burdens” and the one rendered as “load” have very different meanings. One concerns carrying the pain of others and the problems they face. We should pitch in and help them carry that load. The other word focuses on personal responsibility and the load of accountability that each person has before God. In this case, no one can help us. Here we stand alone. (Holman New Testament Commentary I & II Thessalonians, I & II Timothy, Titus, Philemon, p. 63)

The world is watching. In today’s turbulent times, what is your life communicating to those around you? Poise, focus, and work will cause you to STAND OUT. Aspire to live as a STAND OUT!

April 10, 2013

Calm in Chaos or Freaking Out?

STAND OUT – don’t just fit in! Does your manner of life say to the world that you are different? You live in this world as a Christ-follower, but your relationship with heaven’s Lord should make you STAND OUT in this world – thinking differently, talking differently, acting differently, working differently.

A Bible-directed, Jesus-exalting, Spirit-empowered life is remarkably distinct in today’s spiritual wasteland. You will STAND OUT. Expect criticism as you live for Christ. I am not asking you to be obnoxious, but I am calling for you display Christ.

The world is watching. In today’s turbulent times, what is your life communicating to those around you?

“Stay calm; mind your own business; do your own job. You’ve heard all this from us before, but a reminder never hurts. We want you living in a way that will command the respect of outsiders, not lying around sponging off your friends.”  (1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 MSG)

From Paul’s exhortation in 1 Thessalonians 4:11, I see three practical matters that will help you to live a life that draws the respectful attention of even people outside your faith community. This post spotlights the first. Poise, focus, and work will cause you to STAND OUT.

#1  POISE: Are You Calm in Chaos – or Freaking Out?

Check your life for evidence of quietness, tranquility, composure, peace. Restlessness or worry conveys that you cannot trust your connection with the Lord of the universe.

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God is never surprised by a sudden obstacle, and He is still on the throne. Remember Jesus’ words: “I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world.”  (John 16:33 AMP)

My beautiful wife Patti is a lady who exhibits great poise and I get to enjoy her company nearly EVERY day! Her confidence in God’s grace buoys my faith and I like being around her. I love my wife!

People around you will notice your peace in the midst of storms. You STAND OUT when you keep your poise. God is working; give Him time. Your poise in the face of perplexity will be recognized by those around you.

I think of the legend of a Chinese farmer who owned a horse. When the horse ran away, the neighbors lamented his loss, but his response was, “How do you know it’s so bad?” In a few days his horse returned, now accompanied by another one. The neighbors immediately cheered his good fortune, but his reaction was, “How do you know it’s good?” The next day, while riding the new horse, his son was thrown off and broke his leg. The neighbors were deeply saddened, but his attitude was, “How do you know it’s bad?” A few weeks later a war broke out, but because his son had a broken leg, he was allowed to stay home. But the neighbors said nothing because they had learned an important lesson: don’t judge life’s events too quickly (Gordan Kainer, Look Back Wisely, Look Ahead Decisively, 2011, p. 7)

“Lead a quiet life.” (1 Thess. 4:11 NASB) Contentment with God’s blessings is a foundation for calm poise. Charles Wesley expressed his ambition: “Keep me little and unknown, loved and prized by Christ alone”? (Look Back Wisely, p. 8) Are you content to be “loved and prized by Christ alone”?

Don’t freak out. God’s grace is sufficient. Live as if you really do have a Heavenly Father who loves and cares for you. Aspire to live as a STAND OUT!

April 8, 2013

Run the Race to Win

Are you vigorously giving everything you have to accomplish God’s purpose for you life on earth?

Your “race” is not something to be run in a half-hearted, complacent manner. Keep your eye on the goal, the target, the finish line! Without a focus on the mission, you will not accomplish all that God has for you. The Apostle Paul frequently uses athletic metaphors to depict the disciplined lifestyle of a believer.

“Do you remember how, on a racing-track, every competitor runs, but only one wins the prize? Well, you ought to run with your minds fixed on winning the prize! Every competitor in athletic events goes into serious training. Athletes will take tremendous pains—for a fading crown of leaves. But our contest is for an eternal crown that will never fade.” (1 Corinthians 9:24 PHILLIPS)

Run the race of your life to win the greatest prize, the Father’s “Well done!” Get up; dust yourself off; RUN TO WIN!

My talented great-nephew Jaydan Urwin recently wrote a poem with a fantastic message. I am so thankful that Jaydan agreed to let me post it today. That’s Jaydan in the middle of my sister-in-law Rosalyn and my nephew Tony.

Why do we begin the race?

Many would say so we can win

I say so we can reach the finish

I say so we can pick others up who fall along the way

 

Why is there a battle cry before a war?

Some would say to hype up the soldiers

I say it is to mark the beginning

I say it is so we can affirm courage in our own hearts

 

Why do we fall?

Many would say so we can get back up

I say so we remember we’re not immortal
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I say so we can remain humble

 

Why are there obstacles along the way?

Some would argue that they are satan’s footfalls

I say some are God’s tests

I say they measure our strength and faithfulness

 

Why does it feel like every devil is on your back?

Some say it is because the Devil is trying to hold you back

I say it is because you looked behind

I say it is because you forgot to focus on the finish line

 

Why is the race so difficult to finish?

Some say because you are tired

I say it is because the hardest times will be when he have to dig deeper

I say it is so we can SHINE when we FINALLY FINISH

April 7, 2013

Get Over Yourself & Love Like Jesus Loves

Sometimes the best way to avoid quarreling with your wife is to let her go her way and you go HERS. Okay, I am teasing a bit, but there is a measure of truth in that statement. Happy days ensue when husbands and wives don’t insist upon their own way every time.

When you are alone, you may consider only yourself, but marriage is more than one person. The man and woman may unite to become one in marriage, but two distinct personalities are still there.

Healthy compromises are part of healthy marriages. Giving up some individual gain for the gain of the relationship yields tremendous dividends. There is truth in the title of the old Rolling Stones’ hit, “You can’t always get what you want!” With maturity comes understanding sometimes concessions must be made.

Every disagreement doesn’t have to start a world war! Be willing to make some trade-offs or take turns in getting your way. “Flipping a coin can end arguments; it settles disputes between powerful opponents.” (Proverbs 18:18 NLT) Decide today to disagree agreeably.

Problems inevitably result when people pursue self-centered or selfish goals. Battles begin from opposing needs, drives, wishes, or demands.

Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.

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Communication problems can usually be traced to a failure to show love, a failure to show respect, or a failure to fulfill the ministry required of a spouse. You are called to minister to your partner.

In discussion of Matthew chapter twelve, commentator Michael Wilkins offers a definition for love that is well-suited for marriage. He writes,“Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person in which we give ourselves to bring the relationship to God’s intended purpose.” (Matthew, p. 463). Married people must love as Jesus loved – expressing love especially to the imperfect person who shares your bed. Disagreements, difficulties, and hurts happen in married relationships, but the command to love like Jesus loves remains.

Wilkins goes on to give practical suggestions for showing love toward even a person that has hurt you. Your marriage will benefit from adopting this one:

Reverse the dynamic of the relationship from taking to giving. When we follow Jesus’ example of ministry, we find that He came to give, not take, as was the Father’s entire purpose in sending His Son (John 3:16; Rom. 5:8). He came not to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for His people (Matt. 20:28; Mark 10:45). Such an attitude of giving should also characterize our closest relationships.

Ask most people why they want to get married, and they will usually describe their reasons in terms of getting: “I will become more fulfilled in marriage”; “I have always wanted to have a husband and children and a home of my own.” These motivations are not necessarily bad, but marriage as God intended it is a relationship of giving ourselves to another for their enrichment. Spouses who are so consumed with having their own needs met by their partner often cannot get their eyes off their own needs long enough to care for another’s needs, and the relationship becomes parasitic. The tug-of-war of needs between people demands that we continually take in order to have our needs met. (Michael J. Wilkins, Matthew, p. 463-464).

“Let us therefore stop turning critical eyes on one another. If we must be critical, let us be critical of our own conduct and see that we do nothing to make a brother stumble or fall.” (Romans 14:13 PHILLIPS) Let’s choose to love like Jesus loves.

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