Family

April 24, 2013

My Dad Died a Martyr’s Death

I still trust in God’s protection but my understanding about God’s care has grown. In the early 70’s, I lived with my parents while they served for three years as missionaries in Uganda during the evil regime of Idi Amin. Saudis liberally funded Amin’s attempt to make the nation Muslim. I was there as people lived and died for Jesus Christ.

Our family repeatedly was supernaturally protected while thousands and thousands of other faith-filled believers were being killed. When I was five and six years old, I thought it was normal to be stopped at roadblocks. It wasn’t strange to have heavily armed Ugandan militia surround my parents. I remember seeing machetes waved in my Dad’s face while AK-47s were pressed to the back of his neck. But, God intervened time and again.

It is paradoxical that twenty years later, a small caliber pistol would be used to kill my Dad just outside the Valley Fellowship Church offices – right here in the United States of America. On that hot August afternoon, the Lord’s hand of protection was obvious as other church staff, volunteers, and school students were safely shielded during the shooting.

Because Dad was a righteous pastor, he was targeted by a skinny lady with the malicious idea of pleasing satan. The Bible indicates some believers will be martyrs, and I believe that my dad died a martyr’s death. Dad was certainly not the last martyr to be targeted for loving Jesus Christ.

I still trust that God’s plans and purposes are good. As long as I live on earth there will be things that I do not fully understand about what God allows or commands, but I trust in God’s protection more now than I did before my father’s death.

With life getting in the way you can place an order for your order viagra generico cipla you can try these out. It is available in convenient plastic sachets, which allows for a much sildenafil levitra http://secretworldchronicle.com/tag/lily/ faster absorption rate of the active ingredient, Sildenafil, as does the trademark version. With online availability and FDA approval, it is made easy to consume for restricting ED issues in men. cialis stores But is it economically viable to afford using these medications online cialis so frequently. For the five years before my dad’s death, my wife Patti and I served on the pastoral staff of Valley Fellowship with Dad as senior pastor. I genuinely treasure the time I was able to minister with Dad and learn from Dad. I was only 26 years old when Dad died, and Patti and I transitioned into senior leadership of the church, co-pastoring with my mother.

Perhaps the most common question I asked myself following Dad’s death was, “God, are you sure I learned all I was suppose to learn from my dad?” I frequently reminded myself that his death was not a surprise to God. I was surprised, but his death was no surprise to my Heavenly Father.

I found great encouragement and strength from God’s Word and from spending time in private worship. I had to personally deal with many questions following my dad’s death. Recognizing Dad was a Godly man, faithful husband, loving father and integral shepherd of our church, I knew there were no “open doors” for such an attack. I had to deal with the dilemma of how someone who is really righteous could be shot and killed by someone trying to please satan. I was forced to grapple with the reality that God’s plans may not always be my “preferred” plans.

My experience definitely changed the way I minister to suffering people. Yes, I grieved – all humans grieve when we miss something that we hold as valuable – but God comforted me in my grieving. Heavenly Father provided me with the grace and comfort I needed to go forward. My experience has given me a much deeper well of compassion for hurting individuals, and the comfort I received from the Lord has allowed me to minister to suffering people. I regularly sense a supernatural release of God’s comfort as I pray, releasing the comfort that I myself have received from the Lord, for other grieving individuals. I draw from the compassion and grace I needed in 1993 to minister God’s concern and care in 2013. The comfort I received, I pass along when praying–in congregational services, in hospital rooms, in funerals and memorials, in any situation where someone is in pain or sickness.

Today, April 24, is Jerry Simon’s birthday. I bet he’s celebrating it with friends in heaven. I remember Dad. I honor him. I miss him.

April 20, 2013

Grandmother’s Plants

My (mom’s mom) grandmother’s porch and front yard featured beautiful potted plants with amazingly rich colors, prolific growth, and vibrant health. People from around that north Mississippi community would regularly come to see her plants and declare that she had a “green thumb”. Hey, I held her hand and Grandmother Martin didn’t have a green thumb, but she certainly knew how to trigger plant life.

I easily discovered her secret to beautiful plants. Every time I stayed with Grandmother, I saw her talk to those plants and touch their leaves and branches as if she were petting a kitten. She would talk to them like they had emotions and would carefully provide water and nutrients. Grandmother appreciated the power of words upon her garden. In fact, I think she talked more sweetly to her plants than she did to my grandfather!

I learned a lot about the power of words as I observed those plants, but I am still learning about the power of my words.

Words mold life. Words shape families, pets, and even plants. At the recent VFCA Science Fair, one young lady’s experiment vividly illustrated the plant receiving gentle encouragement appeared much healthier than the plant without it. As you appreciate the power of your words, I hope you also realize the responsibility of your words.

Your words are formidable.

“Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.” (Proverbs 12:18 NLT)
“The tongue can speak words that bring life or death.” (Proverbs 18:21a ERV)

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Are you building up or tearing down; healing or hurting; producing life or driving death; encouraging or discouraging; blessing or cursing? Your kids are listening – are you speaking words of life? Your spouse needs your wellspring of life-giving speech. What is the impact of your words upon your own life and upon the lives of others?

It’s your heart, not the dictionary, that gives meaning to your words. A good person produces good deeds and words season after season. An evil person is a blight on the orchard. Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation. (Matthew 12:35-37 MSG)

If you are really focused on Christ, you will be changed more and more into His likeness. Baby talk is appropriate for a baby, but maturing Christ-followers should reflect more and more the vocabulary of Christlikeness. Are you allowing the work of the Holy Spirit to transform your speech? Words spring from your heart, so guard your heart. Exclude bitterness, offense, hatred, unforgiveness, hurt, or anything else hampering your ability to speak life.

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” (Psalm 19:14 NLT)
“Let no foul or polluting language, nor evil word nor unwholesome or worthless talk [ever] come out of your mouth, but only such [speech] as is good and beneficial to the spiritual progress of others, as is fitting to the need and the occasion, that it may be a blessing and give grace (God’s favor) to those who hear it.” (Ephesians 4:29 AMP)

Use your words to bless to declare what God desires.

April 15, 2013

Love seeks outlets, not limits.

Are you living out the Christ’s command? “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.” (John 13:34 NIV) Don’t let the pressures and hurts of this fallen world steal your heart of love. Extend love to those closest to you. In paintball, lack of mercy may be be excused, but in relationships, love is commanded. It’s not okay to mistreat your wife, your kids, or your family.

“Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it.” (Romans 12:9a MSB)
“Keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters.” (Hebrews 13:1 NIV)
“Let us have real warm affection for one another as between brothers, and a willingness to let the other man have the credit.” (Romans 12:10 PHILLIPS)
“Regarding life together and getting along with each other, you don’t need me to tell you what to do. You’re God-taught in these matters. Just love one another!” (1 Thessalonians 4:9 MSG)

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In his classic work written about 600 years ago, Thomas a? Kempis challenges Christ-followers to look earnestly at the example of Jesus Christ and imitate His example. Kempis extols the value of the Christ-kind-of-love:

Nothing is sweeter than love, nothing stronger or higher or wider; nothing is more pleasant, nothing fuller, and nothing better in heaven or on earth, for love is born of God and cannot rest except in God, Who is above all created things.

One who is in love flies, runs, and rejoices; he is free, not bound. He gives all for all and possesses all in all, because he rests in the one sovereign Good, Who is above all things, and from Whom every good flows and proceeds. He does not look to the gift but turns himself above all gifts to the Giver.

Love often knows no limits but overflows all bounds. Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of troubles, attempts more than it is able, and does not plead impossibility, because it believes that it may and can do all things. For this reason, it is able to do all, performing and effecting much where he who does not love fails and falls.

Love is watchful. Sleeping, it does not slumber. Wearied, it is not tired. Pressed, it is not straitened. Alarmed, it is not confused, but like a living flame, a burning torch, it forces its way upward and passes unharmed through every obstacle. (The Imitation of Christ (Logos Research Systems, 1996, p. 105).

Love people, not things. God greatly loves and dearly prizes people. (John 3:16a AMP) “Go and do the same.” (Luke 10:37b HCSB) Don’t look for limits; look for outlets for your love!

“So don’t lose a minute in building on what you’ve been given, complementing your basic faith with good character, spiritual understanding, alert discipline, passionate patience, reverent wonder, warm friendliness, and generous love, each dimension fitting into and developing the others.” (2 Peter 1:5-7 MSG)

April 8, 2013

Run the Race to Win

Are you vigorously giving everything you have to accomplish God’s purpose for you life on earth?

Your “race” is not something to be run in a half-hearted, complacent manner. Keep your eye on the goal, the target, the finish line! Without a focus on the mission, you will not accomplish all that God has for you. The Apostle Paul frequently uses athletic metaphors to depict the disciplined lifestyle of a believer.

“Do you remember how, on a racing-track, every competitor runs, but only one wins the prize? Well, you ought to run with your minds fixed on winning the prize! Every competitor in athletic events goes into serious training. Athletes will take tremendous pains—for a fading crown of leaves. But our contest is for an eternal crown that will never fade.” (1 Corinthians 9:24 PHILLIPS)

Run the race of your life to win the greatest prize, the Father’s “Well done!” Get up; dust yourself off; RUN TO WIN!

My talented great-nephew Jaydan Urwin recently wrote a poem with a fantastic message. I am so thankful that Jaydan agreed to let me post it today. That’s Jaydan in the middle of my sister-in-law Rosalyn and my nephew Tony.

Why do we begin the race?

Many would say so we can win

I say so we can reach the finish

I say so we can pick others up who fall along the way

Why is there a battle cry before a war?

Some would say to hype up the soldiers

I say it is to mark the beginning

I say it is so we can affirm courage in our own hearts

Why do we fall?

Many would say so we can get back up

I say so we remember we’re not immortal
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I say so we can remain humble

Why are there obstacles along the way?

Some would argue that they are satan’s footfalls

I say some are God’s tests

I say they measure our strength and faithfulness

Why does it feel like every devil is on your back?

Some say it is because the Devil is trying to hold you back

I say it is because you looked behind

I say it is because you forgot to focus on the finish line

Why is the race so difficult to finish?

Some say because you are tired

I say it is because the hardest times will be when he have to dig deeper

I say it is so we can SHINE when we FINALLY FINISH

April 7, 2013

Get Over Yourself & Love Like Jesus Loves

Sometimes the best way to avoid quarreling with your wife is to let her go her way and you go HERS. Okay, I am teasing a bit, but there is a measure of truth in that statement. Happy days ensue when husbands and wives don’t insist upon their own way every time.

When you are alone, you may consider only yourself, but marriage is more than one person. The man and woman may unite to become one in marriage, but two distinct personalities are still there.

Healthy compromises are part of healthy marriages. Giving up some individual gain for the gain of the relationship yields tremendous dividends. There is truth in the title of the old Rolling Stones’ hit, “You can’t always get what you want!” With maturity comes understanding sometimes concessions must be made.

Every disagreement doesn’t have to start a world war! Be willing to make some trade-offs or take turns in getting your way. “Flipping a coin can end arguments; it settles disputes between powerful opponents.” (Proverbs 18:18 NLT) Decide today to disagree agreeably.

Problems inevitably result when people pursue self-centered or selfish goals. Battles begin from opposing needs, drives, wishes, or demands.

Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.

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Communication problems can usually be traced to a failure to show love, a failure to show respect, or a failure to fulfill the ministry required of a spouse. You are called to minister to your partner.

In discussion of Matthew chapter twelve, commentator Michael Wilkins offers a definition for love that is well-suited for marriage. He writes,“Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person in which we give ourselves to bring the relationship to God’s intended purpose.” (Matthew, p. 463). Married people must love as Jesus loved – expressing love especially to the imperfect person who shares your bed. Disagreements, difficulties, and hurts happen in married relationships, but the command to love like Jesus loves remains.

Wilkins goes on to give practical suggestions for showing love toward even a person that has hurt you. Your marriage will benefit from adopting this one:

Reverse the dynamic of the relationship from taking to giving. When we follow Jesus’ example of ministry, we find that He came to give, not take, as was the Father’s entire purpose in sending His Son (John 3:16; Rom. 5:8). He came not to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for His people (Matt. 20:28; Mark 10:45). Such an attitude of giving should also characterize our closest relationships.

Ask most people why they want to get married, and they will usually describe their reasons in terms of getting: “I will become more fulfilled in marriage”; “I have always wanted to have a husband and children and a home of my own.” These motivations are not necessarily bad, but marriage as God intended it is a relationship of giving ourselves to another for their enrichment. Spouses who are so consumed with having their own needs met by their partner often cannot get their eyes off their own needs long enough to care for another’s needs, and the relationship becomes parasitic. The tug-of-war of needs between people demands that we continually take in order to have our needs met. (Michael J. Wilkins, Matthew, p. 463-464).

“Let us therefore stop turning critical eyes on one another. If we must be critical, let us be critical of our own conduct and see that we do nothing to make a brother stumble or fall.” (Romans 14:13 PHILLIPS) Let’s choose to love like Jesus loves.

April 6, 2013

Wrong? Admit it! Right? Shut Up!

I am trying so hard to learn this lesson – when I’m wrong, admit it; when I’m right, shut up! It will do no good to argue if I’m wrong and if I’m right – I don’t need to argue.

“If you want to stay out of trouble, be careful what you say.” (Proverbs 21:23 GNT)

Why don’t I just humbly admit “I am I wrong” instead of trying to deflect, defend, or distract? Have you ever tried any of those tactics – deflect, defend, distract? Did you succeed? All that ensues for me is a longer, more heated discussion.

“You can’t whitewash your sins and get by with it; you find mercy by admitting and leaving them.” (Proverbs 28:13 MSG)

The more my mouth moves, the more likely I am to say something I will regret. I must have my mind engaged before running my mouth.

“There is more hope for a stupid fool than for someone who speaks without thinking.” (Proverbs 29:20 GNT)

I need to stop talking so much. In an argument the best weapon to hold is my tongue. A wise person suggested, “When you’re arguing with your wife, make absolutely sure you’re right and then let the matter drop!”
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“A person who talks too much gets into trouble. A wise person learns to be quiet.” (Proverbs 10:19 ERV)

Why is it so difficult to confess, “You are right”? I desire God’s grace to help me receive from wise correction, especially that coming from my spouse. When I honestly face my wife’s critique, I will be a better man because of it. Patti is a smart lady.

“Don’t refuse to accept criticism; get all the help you can.” (Proverbs 23:12 LIVING)

I don’t like to be criticized – no person does! But, God’s Word forthrightly proclaims that wise people benefit from correction.

“To one who listens, valid criticism is like a gold earring or other gold jewelry.” (Proverbs 25:12 NLT)

“If you ignore criticism, you will end in poverty and disgrace; if you accept correction, you will be honored.” (Proverbs 13:18 NLT)

Today I am meditating these proverbs to get them deep in my heart. Hopefully, I will put them into practice in my marriage . Are you ready to adopt them for life?

April 5, 2013

I Don’t Believe You Never Had A Fight

Every marriage has squabbles. The convergence of two lives into one marriage always includes some clashes and sparks. Anyone who claims to have NEVER had a disagreement with their spouse is an amnesiac, a liar, or has a really weird definition for the word “disagreement”.

I’ve heard a story about a husband and wife in northern Idaho who made it a point not to argue over anything not worth arguing about. Apparently, this led to some dandy fights over whether or not a subject was worthwhile. Other couples are so incompatible they cannot even agree upon what to quarrel. Why fight? In almost all cases, an argument only proves that two people are present.

Patti and I have had plenty of disagreements – more than a few arguments. We have been faithfully married for over 25 years, but all marriages have moments of discord. Honestly, most of our disagreements boil down to selfishness on the part of one of us – okay – usually me! “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” (James 4:1 NIV) Yes, selfish pride is the root for discord.

I am too frequently guilty of cutting Patti off, raising my volume level, pressing for my own way, or just being plain ornery. Our disagreements DO NOT include cursing or throwing things or attacking one another physically, but we certainly have experienced the impact of differing viewpoints. (I want to emphasize – physical violence has NO place in marriage!) We disagree, but we try to disagree agreeably. That isn’t always easy.

Good communication is the key. As I try to understand Patti’s opinion instead of demanding her to acknowledge my own, I unlock the gate for deep communication and healthy relationship. Every married man or woman must make allowances for differences. “Accept life with humility and patience, making allowances for each other because you love each other. Make it your aim to be at one in the Spirit, and you will inevitably be at peace with one another.” (Ephesians 4:2-3 PHILLIPS)

A counselor at Fairhaven Ministries in Tennessee views genuine appreciation for your spouse’s feelings as a key objective for handling conflict. Ed Smelser advocates:

People don’t have to agree, if only they understand the other person’s position. I want to work with a couple until each develops a genuine appreciation for the other person’s position—regardless of whether he or she agrees with it. One woman said to me about her husband, “We still don’t agree, but I feel so much better just knowing he fully understands my opinion and is taking it into consideration.” (James D. Berkley, Called into Crisis, p. 50)

Two important principles would stop most disputes – don’t bicker over semantics and don’t squabble over inconsequentialities.

#1 DON’T BICKER OVER SEMANTICS!

I could thwart most quarrels if I would make sure Patti and I are NOT bickering over terms (words, semantics) rather than facts. Ultimately, meaning is in people – NOT in words. If I am really seeking to understand what Patti is communicating, I won’t be picking a fight over words. I wish I could remember this principle all the time!

Unfortunately, at times I seem to enjoy skirmishing over the meaning of a word. Why? Selfishness is still something with which I am still conquering. I know God’s Word specially commands “A servant of the Lord must not quarrel” (2 Timothy 2:24 NLT), yet I still allow my argumentative self to show its ugly head.

Why do I insist upon stirring the pot? “Anyone who loves to quarrel loves sin.” (Proverbs 17:19 NLT) Ouch! I repeatedly declare my desire to love God and people, hate sin, and win, amen! Lord, please help me live out this principle!

#2 DON’T SQUABBLE OVER INCONSEQUENTIALITIES!

I need to examine if the difference of opinion is worth quarreling or disputing. Why should I insist upon continuing a disagreement? Is this matter really worth the effort?

Does it really matter to which restaurant we are headed? Do I really care about the volume of the radio, or the show on the television screen, or if this is the shortest way to our destination?

“Starting to argue is like making a crack in a dam. So drop the matter before a fight breaks out.” (Proverbs 17:14 NIRV)
“It is honorable to back off from a fight, but fools jump right in.” (Proverbs 20:3 CEB)

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One final thought as I close today: “Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.” (James 1:19 MSG)

March 25, 2013

How to Exercise Authority Without Being Authoritarian

Authority can be found but not the way most of the world goes after it. You don’t push others down for the Lord to lift you up. Jesus Christ models servant leadership; He turns worldly power systems and values upside-down. Christ-followers are not to adopt the “king-of-the-mountain” mentality of worldly leadership.

You have witnessed a boss, a coach, a politician, a policeman, or a parent “throw their weight around” and you understand the reality “when people get a little power how quickly it goes to their heads” (Mark 10:42 MSG). Perhaps, your heart cried out like the writer of Ecclesiastes 4:1 (NIRV), “I looked and saw how much people were suffering on this earth. I saw the tears of those who are suffering . . . Power is on the side of those who beat them down. Those who are suffering don’t have anyone to comfort them.”

But Christ’s call to leadership is counter-cultural. You ARE to be a leader – one who exercises authority without becoming authoritarian.

You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant and whoever wants to be first among you must be the slave of everyone else. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many. (Mark 10:42-45 NLT)

God’s Word warns, “Among leaders who lack insight, abuse abounds.” (Proverbs 28:16a MSG) God expects His delegated authority to be exercised with wisdom, not abuse. In 10 Choices: A Proven Plan to Change Your Life Forever, Chicago pastor James MacDonald offers tips for evaluating how we are handling the authority entrusted to us:

I know I’m abusing my authority when I keep reminding people of my title and my position.
I know I’m abusing my authority when I expect or demand privilege.
I know I’m abusing my authority when I become comfortable with personal praise.
I know I’m abusing my authority when I resent, react, or am threatened by challenges to my authority.
I know I’m abusing my authority when I’m unmoved by an individual. (p. 227-230)

Cherish the nature of the authority entrusted to you. As you esteem God’s leadership and respect your co-laborers in God’s House, a dimension of authority is entrusted to you. You must exercise this empowerment with Godly wisdom. With recognition of God’s call, you seriously and humbly undertake service with appreciation of Christ as the head of the body.

How do you exercise authority without becoming authoritarian?

#1 Serve – Don’t Decree.

You aren’t called to dominate and dictate.“If anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.” (Mark 9:35 NIV)

Leadership is not getting above others in prestige and power. It is servantship – getting down under the load of human need to bear it sacrificially and redemptively. According to this standard, the measure of greatness is not prominence but humility, not excellence but faithfulness, not authority but obedience, not being served but service… leadership is servantship. (Gaines S. Dobbins, Learning to Lead, 1968, p. 31)

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Don’t look down on others.“Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” (Romans 12:3 NIV)

Even though we had some standing as Christ’s apostles, we never threw our weight around or tried to come across as important, with you or anyone else. We weren’t aloof with you. We took you just as you were. We were never patronizing, never condescending, but we cared for you the way a mother cares for her children. (1 Thessalonians 2:6-7 MSG)

#3 Model – Don’t Dominate.

“Don’t lord it over the people assigned to your care, but lead them by your own good example.” (1 Peter 5:3 NLT) Great leadership is not lording-over or striving for superiority, for leadership involves sacrifice and service. Paul lived this, “Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do.” (Philippians 3:17 NIV)

#4 Associate – Don’t Strut.

Don’t be stuck-up or toffee-nosed. “Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.” (Romans 12:10 NLT) We are equal in Christ. One is not superior to another. Male, female, young, old, whatever race or background – we share communion and fellowship in ONE Body.

#5 Mutually Submit – Don’t Intimidate.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21 NIV) Coercive bullying is not a spiritual gift, even if at times it looks as if something is accomplished. Strong-arming does not pay heavenly dividends and intimidation will not yield lasting results.

Living under authority necessitates accountability to those who have placed you in your position – your leaders and your Lord. Jesus Christ is Lord! Respect the distinction between Lordship and leadership!

Are you leading and influencing others in a direction which furthers God’s Kingdom purposes?

March 24, 2013

ADDICTED to HARMFUL WORDS?

Every one of us can testify to the impact of words. Every one of us has been inspired by uplifting words, and every one of us has experienced the pain of words carelessly spoken.

Unless you, or someone dear to you, have been the victim of terrible physical violence, chances are the worst pains you have suffered in life have come from words used cruelly – from ego-destroying criticism, excessive anger, sarcasm, public and private humiliation, hurtful nicknames, betrayal of secrets, rumors and malicious gossip. (Joseph Telushkin, Words That Hurt, Words That Heal, 1996, p. xviii)

“Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” (Proverbs 18:21 MSG)

The story is told of an elderly mother during a hospital stay. Per normal procedure, she was asked if she was allergic to anything. She confessed to allergic reactions to certain types of fruit, specifically bananas. The nurse compiled the information and made the appropriate notation on the woman’s wristband. Several hours later, the lady’s grown daughter angrily stormed the nurse’s station demanding, “Who’s responsible for labeling my mother ‘bananas’?

As kids, we joked that sticks and stones were hurtful, but we all knew the truth – words are powerful. Why as adults do we so easily excuse sarcasm, criticism, and negativity? We playfully joke with one another, but do we realize the potency of our words?

Careless words bite! Are you addicted to harmful words? Author Joseph Telushkin puts that question into courageous perspective:

Over the past decade, whenever I have lectured throughout the country on “Words That Hurt, Words That Heal: How to Choose Words Wisely and Well,” I’ve asked my listeners if they can go for twenty-four hours without saying any unkind words about, or to, anybody.

Invariably, a minority raise their hands signifying yes, some people laugh, while quite a large number call out, “No!”

“All of you who can’t answer yes,” I respond, “must recognize how serious a problem you have. Because if I asked you to go for twenty-four hours without drinking liquor, and you said, ‘I can’t do that,’ I’d tell you, ‘Then you must recognize that you’re an alcoholic.’ And if I asked you to go for twenty-four hours without smoking a cigarette, and you said, ‘That’ impossible,’ that would mean that you’re addicted to nicotine.’ Similarly, if you can’t go for twenty-four hours without saying unkind words about others, then you’ve lost control over your tongue. (Words That Hurt, Words That Heal, p. xvii)

“Let me tell you something: Every one of these careless words is going to come back to haunt you. There will be a time of Reckoning. Words are powerful; take them seriously. Words can be your salvation. Words can also be your damnation.” (Matthew 12:36-37 MSG)

“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18 NIV84)

The unknown writer of the poem below echoes the wisdom of the ancients:

“The boneless tongue, so small and weak,
Can crush and kill,” declares the Greek.
“The tongue destroys a greater horde,”
The Turk asserts, “than does the sword.”
The Persian proverb wisely saith,
“A lengthy tongue—an early death!”
Or sometimes takes this form instead,
“Don’t let your tongue cut off your head.”
“The tongue can speak a word whose speed,”
Say the Chinese, “outstrips the steed.”
The Arab sages said in part,
“The tongue’s great storehouse is the heart.”
From Hebrew was the maxim sprung.
“Thy feet should slip, but ne’er the tongue.”
The sacred writer crowns the whole,
“Who keeps the tongue doth keep his soul.” (unknown, referenced in Spurgeon’s The Salt Cellars)

March 23, 2013

Teach Kids RESPECT

Respect is a virtue desperately needed in today’s world of rudeness. Its not just Aretha Franklin wishing for R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Rudeness at work is rampant, and it’s on the rise. Over the past 14 years we’ve polled thousands of workers about how they’re treated on the job, and 98 percent have reported experiencing uncivil behavior. In 2011 half said they were treated rudely [at work] at least once a week. [That’s a 100 percent increase from 1998.] (Christian Porath and Christine Pearson, “The Price of Incivility,” Harvard Business Review, January-February 2013)

Through a poll of 800 managers and employees they also discovered the costs of incivility. Among workers who have been on the receiving end of incivility:

48 percent decreased their work effort

47 percent decreased the time spent at work

80 percent lost work worrying about the incident

78 percent said their commitment to the organization declined

12 percent said they left their job because of the uncivil treatment

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The article in Harvard Business Review concluded with the following warning about incivility: “Just one habitually offensive employee critically positioned in your organization can cost you dearly in lost employees, lost customers, and lost productivity.” Rudeness is an issue that must be addressed, but teaching respect to adults is not much more difficult than teaching respect to children.

Parents must teach respect and pass along respect for authority to their children, since the home is the foundation for learning to respect authority. A child’s homelife either strengthens or weakens respect for authority and respect for people and respect for themselves. As a missionary kid in Africa and Taiwan, I learned the importance of respect not only toward authority, but for culture, language, people, and the Gospel.

How do you pass along the virtue of respect to your children? Here are seven ideas to help you.

#1 Be an example to your children by your speech, attitudes, and actions.

The respect you model will be followed; the disrespect you model will be followed. Love your spouse and respect your spouse’s authority. My parents modeled respect for authority, and my life benefited from those important lessons.

#2 Teach your children to respect YOUR authority.

You powerfully equip your kids to respect others when you teach them to respect your authority. If God gave you children, then He holds you responsible to act like a parent.

#3 Make time to train your family spiritually.

Spend time with your family as a group and make time for one-on-one, face-to-face encounters with your child. Don’t pass off your responsibility to be spiritually mature. Be the parent, the spiritual leader, of your home. A leader “must be in control of their own families, and they must see that their children are obedient and always respectful.” (1 Timothy 3:4 CEV) Operate your household with authority and love.

#4 Don’t allow unresolved conflicts or strained relationships to fester or boil.

You don’t want your prayers blocked or cut off (1 Peter 3:7). Don’t provoke your children to anger by your own harshness, unfairness, or insecurity.

#5 Discipline in love.

“A refusal to correct is a refusal to love; love your children by disciplining them.” (Proverbs 13:24 MSG) Discipline immediately and consistently. “Parents, do not treat your children in such a way as to make them angry. Instead, raise them with Christian discipline and instruction.” (Ephesians 6:4 GNT)

#6 Get a job or increase your income to support your children.

Provide the food and care your children need. Attend to the needs of your family. “Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8 NIV)

#7 Pray for your family daily, multiple times per day.

You know you ought to pray, you know God answers prayer, but are you actually praying for family? Lay hands on your kids and bless them before they leave for school or any activity. Your prayer cover inspires respect. Pray!

Evaluate yourself and remove hindrances to your parental leadership. You have the responsibility of teaching your children to respect authority. Your leadership at home is vital. The Maxwell Leadership Bible (p. 1442) alliterates six categories, six questions for evaluating your leadership in your home:

Initiative: Do I give direction and take responsibility for my primary relationships?
Intimacy: Do I experience intimacy with God and others through open conversation?
Influence: Do I exercise Biblical influence by encouraging and developing others?
Integrity: Do I lead an honest life, unashamed of who I am when no one is looking?
Identity: Am I secure in who I am in Christ? Or am I defensive?
Inner Character: Do I exhibit the fruit of the Spirit in my life, including self-discipline?