disagreement

Sometimes the best way to avoid quarreling with your wife is to let her go her way and you go HERS. Okay, I am teasing a bit, but there is a measure of truth in that statement. Happy days ensue when husbands and wives don’t insist upon their own way every time.

When you are alone, you may consider only yourself, but marriage is more than one person. The man and woman may unite to become one in marriage, but two distinct personalities are still there.

Healthy compromises are part of healthy marriages. Giving up some individual gain for the gain of the relationship yields tremendous dividends. There is truth in the title of the old Rolling Stones’ hit, “You can’t always get what you want!” With maturity comes understanding sometimes concessions must be made.

Every disagreement doesn’t have to start a world war! Be willing to make some trade-offs or take turns in getting your way. “Flipping a coin can end arguments; it settles disputes between powerful opponents.” (Proverbs 18:18 NLT) Decide today to disagree agreeably.

Problems inevitably result when people pursue self-centered or selfish goals. Battles begin from opposing needs, drives, wishes, or demands.

Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.

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Communication problems can usually be traced to a failure to show love, a failure to show respect, or a failure to fulfill the ministry required of a spouse. You are called to minister to your partner.

In discussion of Matthew chapter twelve, commentator Michael Wilkins offers a definition for love that is well-suited for marriage. He writes,“Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person in which we give ourselves to bring the relationship to God’s intended purpose.” (Matthew, p. 463). Married people must love as Jesus loved – expressing love especially to the imperfect person who shares your bed. Disagreements, difficulties, and hurts happen in married relationships, but the command to love like Jesus loves remains.

Wilkins goes on to give practical suggestions for showing love toward even a person that has hurt you. Your marriage will benefit from adopting this one:

Reverse the dynamic of the relationship from taking to giving. When we follow Jesus’ example of ministry, we find that He came to give, not take, as was the Father’s entire purpose in sending His Son (John 3:16; Rom. 5:8). He came not to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for His people (Matt. 20:28; Mark 10:45). Such an attitude of giving should also characterize our closest relationships.

Ask most people why they want to get married, and they will usually describe their reasons in terms of getting: “I will become more fulfilled in marriage”; “I have always wanted to have a husband and children and a home of my own.” These motivations are not necessarily bad, but marriage as God intended it is a relationship of giving ourselves to another for their enrichment. Spouses who are so consumed with having their own needs met by their partner often cannot get their eyes off their own needs long enough to care for another’s needs, and the relationship becomes parasitic. The tug-of-war of needs between people demands that we continually take in order to have our needs met. (Michael J. Wilkins, Matthew, p. 463-464).

“Let us therefore stop turning critical eyes on one another. If we must be critical, let us be critical of our own conduct and see that we do nothing to make a brother stumble or fall.” (Romans 14:13 PHILLIPS) Let’s choose to love like Jesus loves.