marriage

May 13, 2013

Stop Nitpicking; Start Overlooking

My Grandma Martin told me the story of a woman longingly reminiscing the days before her wedding. “Before we were married you called me an angel,” the wife complained. “And now you don’t call me anything!”

Her husband fist-bumped his chest and said, “You ought to be glad I possess such self-control.”

I think my Dad’s greatest premarital tip was: “Go into marriage eyes wide open, half shut afterward.” Get all the facts before you get married. Make sure you know all you can about the person you are considering marrying. There will be plenty that you need to overlook after the ceremony.

In fact, some of the very things you think are cute before marriage, become irritating over the years.

“Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” (Colossians 3:13 NLT)

“Put up with each other” (Colossians 3:13a CEV & GW)

You will destroy your marriage if you cannot learn to “put up with each other”. It sounds easy enough, but the walking out of it is harder than a two-year-old biscuit. Arguing over ever little issue erodes the foundation of martial life. Always pointing out the thing you don’t like, kills love.

I regularly have to remind myself of this. My wife is an excellent cook and I enjoy eating whatever she makes, but I have never liked the name she picked for one particular dish – “Mexican Goulash”. For some reason, that name doesn’t seem appetizing. Let me reiterate, I like Patti’s cooking! But, please, can we please call this dish by a new name. How about “Texas Stir-fry” or “Chili on a bed of rice and lettuce” or something else.

Okay, please drop those stones you are gathering to throw, I do appreciate my wife’s cooking. For whatever reason, I don’t like the name; don’t call it “Mexican Goulash”. After more than twenty-five years of marriage, you would probably think I would be “over” this already, but Patti rarely calls the dish by any other name. I think her mother coined the term. (Mema, what were you thinking?!?) About five years ago, Patti adopted “Texas Stir-Fry” for a few months, but when I keep complaining about the old name – she went back to the original.

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Honestly, does the name really matter? No, I tell myself. So why then, do I find myself still nitpicking about the name of that dish? Why haven’t I let it go? Apparently, I haven’t yet learned the lesson I am trying to communicate to you today. But, I am acknowledging that I have a problem. Nitpicking, nagging over trivial details, kills love. I have got to start overlooking!

“One word can start a war.” (Jewish Proverb)

“Quarrels are the weapons of the weak.” (Jewish Proverb)

A pastor in Texas introduced a sermon with an excellent story of how one woman handled the irritations of marriage:

There was once a couple who had been married for 60 years. Throughout their life they had shared everything. They loved each other deeply. They had not kept any secrets from one another, except for a small shoebox that the wife kept in the top shelf of her closet. When they got married, she put the box there and asked her husband never to look inside of it and never to ask questions about its contents.

For 60 years the man honored his wife’s request. In fact, he forgot about the box until a day when his wife grew gravely ill, and the doctors were sure she had no way of recovering. So the man, putting his wife’s affairs into order, remembered that box in the top of her closet, got it down, and brought it to her at the hospital. He asked her if perhaps now they might be able to open it. She agreed. They opened the box, and inside were two crocheted dolls and a roll of money that totaled $95,000. The man was astonished.

The woman told her husband that the day before they were married, her grandmother told her that if she and her husband were ever to get into an argument with one another, they should work hard to reconcile, and if they were unable to reconcile, she should simply keep her mouth shut and crochet a doll.

The man was touched by this, because there were only two crocheted dolls in the box. He was amazed that over 60 years of marriage, they apparently had had only two conversations that they were unable to reconcile. Tears came to his eyes, and he grew even more deeply in love with this woman. Then he asked about the roll of money. “What’s with this?” he asked.

His wife said, “Well, every time I crocheted a doll, I sold it to a local craft fair for five dollars.” (David Daniels, from sermon titled “Meditation”)

Stop nitpicking; start overlooking.

May 5, 2013

New Name – New Status – New Future

Twenty-seven years ago (this weekend!), Patti and I stepped into Goldbro department store on Airport Road in Huntsville, Alabama to look at the rings in the jewelry section. Somehow, my mom had managed to tag along and walked behind us as we stepped into the jewelry section.

We stopped at the very first case and Patti pointed to a ring under the glass. She glanced at me and said, “That’s the one I want.”

“Are you sure? We just starting shopping? Don’t you want to look around some more?” I questioned.

“Okay, but that is the one I want.” I gulped as the lady behind the counter placed it on Patti’s finger. “Yes,” Patti said staring at the ring, “I like this one.”

Mom suddenly interjected herself into the discussion, “Well, Greg, are you going to buy it?” Mom knew my bank account. She knew that I had saved money to purchase a guitar.

“MOM!” I glared back. Patti tried to rescue the moment and asked if I needed a second to think about it. I nodded and I held her hand as we took a few steps into the BABY section.

A moment later, we stepped back to jewelry department. And, May 5, 1986, Patti first sported her engagement ring.

In your case, however, this probably involved your forehead drooping and gradually coming to rest against your desk http://pamelaannschoolofdance.com/aid-6190 tadalafil cialis from india as your teacher droned on and on from the front of the classroom about the importance of doing well on your SAT. tadalafil buy cheap There are several online service provide that sell generic ED drugs at reasonable prices. The opposite causes problems too – muscles that are too hot, wear tight underwear, go biking, get cialis generic australia in a sauna-anything that might increase the temperature around his testicles. However, this is not at canada levitra all true in the first place. When a woman marries in the United States, she commonly takes a new name, the name of her husband. Thus, Patti Edmonds became Patti Simon – to my great delight! Patti’s new name was symbolic of her new status (married to me!) and her new future with me.

Within my Logos study software is a collection of the newspapers from the American Civil War, the tumultuous times of 1860 to 1865. (www.logos.com, If you purchase, please let them know I referred you.) An article in the Richmond Times-Dispatch (August, 1861) suggested a new name for an inauspicious purpose:

ALEXANDER the Great hearing that there was a man of the same name with himself in his army, and that he was a notorious coward, sent for him, and said unto him, ‘”fight better, or change your name.”’
Ought not old SCOTT to profit by this example? He lost the battle of Manassas. He confesses himself to be a great coward. Why, then, should he cling to ‘”Winfield,”’ a name indicative of victory? Why does he not write ‘”Losefield“’ as descriptive of his present status?

In Shakespeare’s play, Juliet suggests Romeo throw away his name, after all, “What’s in a name?” What is called a rose still has its smell even if given another name, yet Romeo and Juliet suffer the tragedy instigated by connection to their surnames. A person may be greater than the meaning of their name, but the name remains significant.

Ultimately, real freedom – no matter what label has bound you – comes only from real relationship with the Lord. The Lord spoke through the Old Testament prophet Isaiah that the promised salvation would come with a “new name”. “The nations will see your righteousness. World leaders will be blinded by your glory. And you will be given a new name by the Lord’s own mouth.” (Isaiah 62:2 NLT)

“The proclamation of a new name for Zion indicates the new condition and character that God’s salvation will provide for her.” (John N. Oswalt, The Book of Isaiah, Chapters 40-66, NICOT, p. 579)

Never again will you be called “The Forsaken City” [Hebrew “Azubah”] or “The Desolate Land.” [Hebrew “Shemamah”] Your new name will be “The City of God’s Delight” [Hebrew “Hephzibah” which means “my delight is in her”] and “The Bride of God,” [Hebrew “Beulah” which means “married”] for the Lord delights in you and will claim you as his bride. (Isaiah 62:4 NLT)

The new name speaks of new promise, new power, new potential, new prospective as a result of relationship with the Lord. Salvation releases new hope, new status, new future for every Christ-follower. I am not saying that we should all change our names like my wife did when she married me. But, I do think we should live up to our status as the Bride of Christ and to lives that honor His Name.

What about you? Are you ready to invest your “guitar” money, your life’s blood for the sake of God’s kingdom? Well, are you going to buy it?

April 7, 2013

Get Over Yourself & Love Like Jesus Loves

Sometimes the best way to avoid quarreling with your wife is to let her go her way and you go HERS. Okay, I am teasing a bit, but there is a measure of truth in that statement. Happy days ensue when husbands and wives don’t insist upon their own way every time.

When you are alone, you may consider only yourself, but marriage is more than one person. The man and woman may unite to become one in marriage, but two distinct personalities are still there.

Healthy compromises are part of healthy marriages. Giving up some individual gain for the gain of the relationship yields tremendous dividends. There is truth in the title of the old Rolling Stones’ hit, “You can’t always get what you want!” With maturity comes understanding sometimes concessions must be made.

Every disagreement doesn’t have to start a world war! Be willing to make some trade-offs or take turns in getting your way. “Flipping a coin can end arguments; it settles disputes between powerful opponents.” (Proverbs 18:18 NLT) Decide today to disagree agreeably.

Problems inevitably result when people pursue self-centered or selfish goals. Battles begin from opposing needs, drives, wishes, or demands.

Where do you think all these appalling wars and quarrels come from? Do you think they just happen? Think again. They come about because you want your own way, and fight for it deep inside yourselves. You lust for what you don’t have and are willing to kill to get it. You want what isn’t yours and will risk violence to get your hands on it.

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Communication problems can usually be traced to a failure to show love, a failure to show respect, or a failure to fulfill the ministry required of a spouse. You are called to minister to your partner.

In discussion of Matthew chapter twelve, commentator Michael Wilkins offers a definition for love that is well-suited for marriage. He writes,“Love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person in which we give ourselves to bring the relationship to God’s intended purpose.” (Matthew, p. 463). Married people must love as Jesus loved – expressing love especially to the imperfect person who shares your bed. Disagreements, difficulties, and hurts happen in married relationships, but the command to love like Jesus loves remains.

Wilkins goes on to give practical suggestions for showing love toward even a person that has hurt you. Your marriage will benefit from adopting this one:

Reverse the dynamic of the relationship from taking to giving. When we follow Jesus’ example of ministry, we find that He came to give, not take, as was the Father’s entire purpose in sending His Son (John 3:16; Rom. 5:8). He came not to be served but to serve and to give His life as a ransom for His people (Matt. 20:28; Mark 10:45). Such an attitude of giving should also characterize our closest relationships.

Ask most people why they want to get married, and they will usually describe their reasons in terms of getting: “I will become more fulfilled in marriage”; “I have always wanted to have a husband and children and a home of my own.” These motivations are not necessarily bad, but marriage as God intended it is a relationship of giving ourselves to another for their enrichment. Spouses who are so consumed with having their own needs met by their partner often cannot get their eyes off their own needs long enough to care for another’s needs, and the relationship becomes parasitic. The tug-of-war of needs between people demands that we continually take in order to have our needs met. (Michael J. Wilkins, Matthew, p. 463-464).

“Let us therefore stop turning critical eyes on one another. If we must be critical, let us be critical of our own conduct and see that we do nothing to make a brother stumble or fall.” (Romans 14:13 PHILLIPS) Let’s choose to love like Jesus loves.

April 6, 2013

Wrong? Admit it! Right? Shut Up!

I am trying so hard to learn this lesson – when I’m wrong, admit it; when I’m right, shut up! It will do no good to argue if I’m wrong and if I’m right – I don’t need to argue.

“If you want to stay out of trouble, be careful what you say.” (Proverbs 21:23 GNT)

Why don’t I just humbly admit “I am I wrong” instead of trying to deflect, defend, or distract? Have you ever tried any of those tactics – deflect, defend, distract? Did you succeed? All that ensues for me is a longer, more heated discussion.

“You can’t whitewash your sins and get by with it; you find mercy by admitting and leaving them.” (Proverbs 28:13 MSG)

The more my mouth moves, the more likely I am to say something I will regret. I must have my mind engaged before running my mouth.

“There is more hope for a stupid fool than for someone who speaks without thinking.” (Proverbs 29:20 GNT)

I need to stop talking so much. In an argument the best weapon to hold is my tongue. A wise person suggested, “When you’re arguing with your wife, make absolutely sure you’re right and then let the matter drop!”
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“A person who talks too much gets into trouble. A wise person learns to be quiet.” (Proverbs 10:19 ERV)

Why is it so difficult to confess, “You are right”? I desire God’s grace to help me receive from wise correction, especially that coming from my spouse. When I honestly face my wife’s critique, I will be a better man because of it. Patti is a smart lady.

“Don’t refuse to accept criticism; get all the help you can.” (Proverbs 23:12 LIVING)

I don’t like to be criticized – no person does! But, God’s Word forthrightly proclaims that wise people benefit from correction.

“To one who listens, valid criticism is like a gold earring or other gold jewelry.” (Proverbs 25:12 NLT)

“If you ignore criticism, you will end in poverty and disgrace; if you accept correction, you will be honored.” (Proverbs 13:18 NLT)

Today I am meditating these proverbs to get them deep in my heart. Hopefully, I will put them into practice in my marriage . Are you ready to adopt them for life?

April 5, 2013

I Don’t Believe You Never Had A Fight

Every marriage has squabbles. The convergence of two lives into one marriage always includes some clashes and sparks. Anyone who claims to have NEVER had a disagreement with their spouse is an amnesiac, a liar, or has a really weird definition for the word “disagreement”.

I’ve heard a story about a husband and wife in northern Idaho who made it a point not to argue over anything not worth arguing about. Apparently, this led to some dandy fights over whether or not a subject was worthwhile. Other couples are so incompatible they cannot even agree upon what to quarrel. Why fight? In almost all cases, an argument only proves that two people are present.

Patti and I have had plenty of disagreements – more than a few arguments. We have been faithfully married for over 25 years, but all marriages have moments of discord. Honestly, most of our disagreements boil down to selfishness on the part of one of us – okay – usually me! “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” (James 4:1 NIV) Yes, selfish pride is the root for discord.

I am too frequently guilty of cutting Patti off, raising my volume level, pressing for my own way, or just being plain ornery. Our disagreements DO NOT include cursing or throwing things or attacking one another physically, but we certainly have experienced the impact of differing viewpoints. (I want to emphasize – physical violence has NO place in marriage!) We disagree, but we try to disagree agreeably. That isn’t always easy.

Good communication is the key. As I try to understand Patti’s opinion instead of demanding her to acknowledge my own, I unlock the gate for deep communication and healthy relationship. Every married man or woman must make allowances for differences. “Accept life with humility and patience, making allowances for each other because you love each other. Make it your aim to be at one in the Spirit, and you will inevitably be at peace with one another.” (Ephesians 4:2-3 PHILLIPS)

A counselor at Fairhaven Ministries in Tennessee views genuine appreciation for your spouse’s feelings as a key objective for handling conflict. Ed Smelser advocates:

People don’t have to agree, if only they understand the other person’s position. I want to work with a couple until each develops a genuine appreciation for the other person’s position—regardless of whether he or she agrees with it. One woman said to me about her husband, “We still don’t agree, but I feel so much better just knowing he fully understands my opinion and is taking it into consideration.” (James D. Berkley, Called into Crisis, p. 50)

Two important principles would stop most disputes – don’t bicker over semantics and don’t squabble over inconsequentialities.

#1 DON’T BICKER OVER SEMANTICS!

I could thwart most quarrels if I would make sure Patti and I are NOT bickering over terms (words, semantics) rather than facts. Ultimately, meaning is in people – NOT in words. If I am really seeking to understand what Patti is communicating, I won’t be picking a fight over words. I wish I could remember this principle all the time!

Unfortunately, at times I seem to enjoy skirmishing over the meaning of a word. Why? Selfishness is still something with which I am still conquering. I know God’s Word specially commands “A servant of the Lord must not quarrel” (2 Timothy 2:24 NLT), yet I still allow my argumentative self to show its ugly head.

Why do I insist upon stirring the pot? “Anyone who loves to quarrel loves sin.” (Proverbs 17:19 NLT) Ouch! I repeatedly declare my desire to love God and people, hate sin, and win, amen! Lord, please help me live out this principle!

#2 DON’T SQUABBLE OVER INCONSEQUENTIALITIES!

I need to examine if the difference of opinion is worth quarreling or disputing. Why should I insist upon continuing a disagreement? Is this matter really worth the effort?

Does it really matter to which restaurant we are headed? Do I really care about the volume of the radio, or the show on the television screen, or if this is the shortest way to our destination?

“Starting to argue is like making a crack in a dam. So drop the matter before a fight breaks out.” (Proverbs 17:14 NIRV)
“It is honorable to back off from a fight, but fools jump right in.” (Proverbs 20:3 CEB)

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One final thought as I close today: “Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.” (James 1:19 MSG)

March 9, 2013

Be the Right Person

Do you want to have a great marriage? Prepare early and start now. Start praying for your spouse now. “But I am not married yet” is no excuse for not praying. “But I am already married” is no excuse for not praying. Get it? Start now!

Single but wanting to get married? Ask God what are the qualities and characteristics that He wants in your spouse. Don’t let go of your vision! Use those characteristics as a guide to find the person God-picked for you. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. As you believe and pray, expect God to refine those desires. Allow Him to adjust unrealistic or dysfunctional thought patterns inside of you. When God gives you insight into the qualities that He wants in your spouse, hold on to that picture.

Long before you are married, use that list to help you weed out the ones that don’t match up. I had several things I knew God wanted for me in a partner. That list helped me, confirmed that Patti was the one for me. I can still remember my excitement as a student at Oral Roberts University, when I knew that she was the one. Patti is beautiful inside and out! I love my wife.

Singles, keep your standards high and live those standards. If you want to marry the right kind of person, BE that right kind of person.

That axiom applies to you that are already married. If you wish to be married to the right kind of person, be that right kind of person. It’s the Golden Rule – do to others as you would have them to do you. It’s virtuous practice – to see the change, be the change. It’s righteous routine – be holy for God is holy. It’s seed faith living – give of yourself first and expect God’s return.

Married but wanting to see a change in your relationship? Ask God what are the qualities and characteristics that He wants in your life. Don’t let go of your vision! Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. As you believe and pray, expect God to refine those desires. Allow Him to adjust unrealistic or dysfunctional thought patterns inside of you. Start with yourself but also invite the Holy Spirit to do His transformational work in your spouse. If God gives you insight into the qualities that He wants in your spouse, pray and hold on to that picture, but don’t try to do the Holy Spirit’s job.

March 8, 2013

Good Marriages Don’t Just Happen

Good marriages demand effort and attention. There is no magic trick to pull off a good marriage. If you want a good marriage, it takes work. A refrigerator can be plugged in the electrical outlet and run fine for years without maintenance, but marriage is NOT an appliance. Marriage is a God-ordained relationship that must be cultivated and cherished, never neglected.

Here are five areas that demand attention for a good marriage.

#1 PRAY TOGETHER: Release God to work in your marriage. You have not because you ask not. Pray together; stay together.

#2 TALK TOGETHER: Actually talk to one another about everything – feelings, frustrations, hopes, happiness. Turn off the media, look at one another, and have a conversation about life.

#3 EAT TOGETHER: Don’t let our society steal the connection that comes when people share food together. The early church benefited from eating together and you and your spouse will benefit too!

#4 PLAY TOGETHER: Play a game, watch movie, or take a walk. Spend time together on a short vacation. Do you share a hobby? When was your last date with your spouse?

#5 SERVE TOGETHER: Find an area where you and spouse can serve your local congregation together. Couples make great teams for evangelistic outreach, kids’ teaching, prayer ministry, usher helps, greeter smiles, nursery diaper-changing, mission trips, and more! Serve the House of God and serve your house. Share household responsibilities. Can you work together to get the house, the lawn, or the checkbook done?

Good marriages don’t just happen; they take work but God will help you. Allow the Lord to soften your heart.

February 22, 2013

What was that I never understood you say?

Meaningful communication is a fundamental component of relationships that last.

Husbands and wives must maintain verbal interaction, but communication is NOT easy. Anyone who has been married for longer than a year will testify that communication isn’t easy. Men and women just do not think, talk, or share the same way. Husbands and wives can equally acknowledge, “I know you think you understand what you heard me say, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

Marital interaction should include:

Talking daily and openly,
Encouragement, compliments, and courtesy,
Disclosure of perspective, judgments, and ideas,
Sharing of feelings, dreams, and fears.

I have laughed at so many examples of men and women not understanding one another. Perhaps a reason I laugh so deeply is that I can relate. I love my wife! Patti and I have been married over 25 years and intend on staying married for life. But, as well as we know one another, neither of us is a mind-reader, and we too often get in semantic arguments over what we meant by spoken words.

Communication specialists point out that when you talk with another person there are actually six messages that can come through.

1. What you mean to say.

2. What you actually say.

3. What the other person hears.

4. What the other person thinks he hears.

5. What the other person says about what you said.

6. What you think the other person said about what you said. (H. Norman Wright, Communication: Key to Your Marriage, 1974, p. 54)

Meaningful communication is hard work and takes time. If a person can overlook the actual words that are said and instead seek to understand the true intent behind the words, profound intimacy flourishes. Ultimately, meaning is in people, not in words. Francis of Assisi prayed, “Lord, grant that I may seek more to understand than to be understood.” Can you seek to understand your mate?

Back in 2002, before she married, my sister Kim emailed me the following “advice” regarding the some of the words that women use. Kim didn’t tell me who originally wrote it. I wonder if Kim passed these humorous instructional definitions to my brother-in-law.

WORDS WOMEN USE

“FINE”: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use “Fine” to describe how a woman looks – this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
“FIVE MINUTES”: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.
“NOTHING”: This means “something”, and you should be on your toes. “Nothing” is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. “Nothing” usually signifies an argument that will last “Five Minutes” and end with “Fine” .
“GO AHEAD (RAISED EYEBROWS)”: This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over “Nothing” and will end with the word “Fine”.
“GO AHEAD (NORMAL EYEBROWS)”: This means “I give up” or “Do what you want because I don’t care”. You will get a “Go Ahead (Raised Eyebrow)” in just a few minutes, followed by “Nothing” and “Fine” and she will talk to you in about “Five Minutes” when she cools off.
“LOUD SIGH”: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”.
“SOFT SIGH”: Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. “Soft Sigh” means that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
“THAT’S OKAY”: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. “That’s Okay” is often used with the word “Fine” and in conjunction with Raised Eyebrows.
“GO AHEAD”: At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
“PLEASE, DO”: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn’t get a “That’s Okay”.
“THANKS A LOT”: This is not necessarily an appreciative recognition. A woman will say, “Thanks A Lot” when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the “Loud Sigh”. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the “Loud Sigh”, as she will only tell you “Nothing”.

“THANKS”: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say, “you’re welcome”.

February 20, 2013

Vital Relationship of Female & Male

Last year, Patti and I celebrated 25 years of marriage. Thank You Jesus! Heavenly Father always gives me much better than I deserve. God knew I needed a partner in life and ministry. I wasn’t made to do life alone.

Enjoying vital relationships is a good thing! We were created to be relational beings. Both man and woman share relationship with God and each other in the garden. Look back into the first chapter of Genesis; notice the last word of verse 10, 12, 18, 21, and 25. What’s the word God uses of His creation? “Good”!

Land and Seas: “God saw that it was good.” (1:10)
Vegetation, plants and trees: “God saw that it was good.” (1:12)
Stars, sun and moon: “God saw that it was good.” (1:18)
Fish and birds: “God saw that it was good.” (1:21)
Animals and livestock: “God saw that it was good.” (1:25)

Genesis 1:31 underscores “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.” (NIV) However, the Lord says, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18 NIV) It is not good for any person to be alone.

Men and women who are kept in isolation suffer in many ways. We like reading stories about Robinson Crusoe’s lonely adventure and laugh in the theater as Tom Hanks talks to a volleyball, but in reality, human beings do not function well alone. We don’t want aloneness to happen to us. Man was not made to be completely alone! We are to enjoy vital relationships with God and with each other.

I am intrigued by what’s told in Genesis 3:8. Shortly after the Fall, “Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden.” (NIV) It appears that from time to time the Lord would fellowship with them in the garden. Both hid – not just Adam, Eve hid, too – because both apparently recognized the sound the Lord made as He was walking. This wasn’t something new. They both had a personal relationship with God along with sharing intimate relationship with one another.

Look back at the phrase “a helper suitable for him” in Genesis 2:18. This verse has been the tool used (by some folks) to somehow substantiate that women are insubordinate or inferior to men. However, the Hebrew phrase does not contain that connotation. Instead, the term emphasizes the adequacy of the woman. She is just what he needed! She is the answer to a problem. Relationship between male and female corrected the “not good.”

Almost every other time the Hebrew root of “helper” is uses in the Old Testament, it refers to God our help. For example, the same Hebrew root spoke of Eve’s relationship to Adam is used of the Lord in:

His second son was named Eliezer, for Moses had said, “The God of my ancestors was my helper; he rescued me from the sword of Pharaoh.” (Exodus 18:4 NLT)
Blessed are you, Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the Lord? He is your shield and helper and your glorious sword. Your enemies will cower before you, and you will tread on their heights.” (Deuteronomy 33:29 NIV)
We put our hope in the Lord. He is our help and our shield. (Psalms 33:20 NLT)
But as for me, I am poor and needy; please hurry to my aid, O God. You are my helper and my savior; O Lord, do not delay. (Psalms 70:5 NLT)
O Israel, trust the Lord! He is your helper and your shield. O priests, descendants of Aaron, trust the Lord! He is your helper and your shield. All you who fear the Lord, trust the Lord! He is your helper and your shield. (Psalms 115:9-11 NLT)
I look up to the mountains—does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth! (Psalms 121:1-2 NLT)

Saying, “The Lord is my helper” does not insinuate that the Lord is less! “This would suggest that the helper envisioned in Genesis 2:18 is not inferior in essence to the one helped. Rather, the helper is to be thought of as a co-worker or enabler.” (Millard Erickson, Christian Theology, 1998, p. 564) The man needed the woman, but the women needed the man, too.

One is not inferior; the other is not superior. Male and female need one another. We are created for relationship.