Christ-follower, Husband, Dad, Pastor

parenting

September 10, 2014

A Church and a Christian School Can Work Together

Life-giving Christian schools do exist. I am a senior pastor of church with a twenty-seven year old Christian school and I have a strong conviction about the necessity and benefit of good Christian schools. I am personally invested in Valley Fellowship Christian Academy, including regularly teaching Bible classes and elementary chapels. With a God-given responsibility to train their children, many parents find an excellent partner with a quality Christian school.

Recently, I read a blog post (from a pastor I respect) that questioned whether or not Christian schools “work”. Unfortunately, I think past disappointments flavored his viewpoint. He advocated that Christian schools work for some but devastate other children, however his logic is flawed. Poor experience by some does not justify a broad attack against the Christian school movement. Parenting “works” for some children, but for some their parental experiences devastated their lives. Some kids have a good experience with parents; some do not have a good experience with parents. Do we discredit or disavow all parenting? Of course, not. And, Christian school cannot be so easily disavowed.

Under the guise of Christian liberty, he suggested the abandonment of Honor Codes because he thinks they are legalistic and without room for repentance. Honor Codes, like the Ten Commandments of old, are a standard for living that should not be discarded. Wise Christian educators do allow for repentance. Respect the distinctive of a particular school. Some Christian schools have an evangelistic mission (allow anyone); some Christian school have a discipleship mission (limit pre-Christians). Different points of view are studied and debated in a Christian school, but an effective teacher will communicate truth.

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Students attending a school that shares space with a local congregation DO NOT get TOO MUCH of church. A building isn’t the reason for the poor experience of some. Many own daughters love and serve God after spending their academic careers (until college) in a school that shared space with a church.  Positive experience of my own children and the constructive experience of many others testifies that a church and a school CAN work together. It can work for a school and a church to share property. Also, the financial reality is that many Christian schools would not exist without a local congregation willing to “share” space in order to see children trained and transformed through a real encounter with Christ.

Based upon more than thirty years of personal observation, students do not need Christian schools and public schools to fare better. If I could go back, I still would not send my daughters to a public school, but I would send them to life-giving Christian school. If a Christian school was not an option, then I would homeschool. Christ affirmed that a fully-trained student will be like the teacher. I want my kids to become more like Christ and a healthy partnership with good Christian school educators increases that potential.

September 4, 2013

Growing Champions

Tonight, Valley Fellowship Church was  honored to have Dr. Chris Royael teaching on “GROWING CHAMPIONS: Parenting on Purpose.” Dr. Chris was inspirational and informative, and I want to share my notes and ideas from today.

Dr. Chris (M.Div and Doctorate of Education) spent 17 years at Oral Roberts University where he served in the Student Life Department as the Dean of Men mentoring young men and women. Since 2005, he has led Faith Academy, a K-12 school with 330 students in Victoria, Texas. Dr. Chris is a member of the ICAA Accreditation Commission and an accreditation site-team chairperson.  An ordained minister at Faith Family Church (Victoria, TX), he speaks regularly.

God has a plan for every child. Parents, a battle is raging for the destinies of our children. A war rages for the hearts and minds of our children. Everyday our children are being molded and formed – spiritually, socially, academically, and even sexually. We cannot afford to skip our opportunity to grow champion children. If we step out, someone else will step into our role. God wants everyone of us to pull together and intentionally shape the next generation. We can impact destiny if we capture the hearts and minds of kids.

Raising Godly children who love the Lord and are serving Him takes a lot of work, grace, and strength from the Lord. Parents, we must focus on OUR opportunities, our responsibilities—the things we can control.  With single-parent-families and families with two full-time jobs, too many parents are relinquishing their most important priority and expecting a school or a church group to fulfill the parenting responsibility. VFCA (Christian education and schools) are great partners for parents, but a school can never replace parenting by parents. We will not make excuses, but work to find solutions; we will not give away our influence or limit God’s power.

Young people will be shaped and molded. The question is: BY WHOM and FOR WHAT PURPOSE? It doesn’t matter if you feel overwhelmed or inadequate or disqualified by past mistakes, God entrusted that child to you for you to parent that child. The single greatest influence on a child’s life – more than peers, more than teachers – is still parents. What will your influence be?

You are the perfect parent for that child. God gave that child to you. Think of the example of Abraham. God “settled on him,” picked Abraham to be Isaac’s daddy.

Abraham is going to become a large & strong nation; all the nations of the world are going to find themselves blessed through him. Yes, I’ve settled on him as the one to train his children and future family to observe God’s way of life, live kindly and generously and fairly, so that God can complete in Abraham what he promised him. (Genesis 18:18-19 MSG)

Abraham wasn’t perfect (no parent is) and he made plenty of mistakes, but Abraham managed to communicate that God was supremely important. Parents’ NUMBER ONE PRIORITY: Create a family environment where God is SUPREME. Sports, housework, watching tv, relationships, every part of living should all be saturated by God’s influence. Every day, every place, every opportunity is an ALTAR to encounter God & serve Him.  “Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering” (Romans 12:1b MSG).

Parents, we desperately need to:

  • TEACH our kids what a fully-devoted life looks like. Not just what, but why.
  • TRAIN them to follow God wholeheartedly. Not just why, but how.

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We teach and train our kids best when we INVOLVE them in our faith journey. There is a huge difference between talking about something and actually doing it. “Tell me; I’ll forget. Show me; I may remember. Involve me and I’ll understand.” Are you taking your kids along with you in your faith journey? Hebrews chapter eleven highlights that Abraham journeyed forward not knowing where he was going, but willing to take the journey with God. Sometimes we aren’t sure of what we are doing, but God is with us on the way. Yes, Abraham made mistakes, but he did include his son on his faith journey.

#1  To grow champions, BE INTENTIONAL AND CONSISTENT.

  • Pray
  • Plan for growth
  • Persist

We need to form genuine relationships with our children, speak uplifting words,  communicate we are for them, express care and personal interest, and call our children to a higher standard of excellence and maturity.

Paul likens discipleship to giving birth, “Oh, my dear children! I feel as if I’m going through labor pains for you again, and they will continue until Christ is fully developed in your lives” (Galatians 4:19 NLT). There are joys and excitement when the baby kicks, but there are also nights when you can’t sleep, when the demands of that new child become inconvenient, uncomfortable, and work. 

#2 To grow champions, use LIFE-ORIENTED discipleship.

Effective discipleship is life-oriented. If we want our children to follow God, we must make GOd a part of our everyday experiences. Kids need to see the big picture as they witness how God relates to every aspect of life – not just church-related life. We live in a real world with real issues and real concerns. Parenting includes preparing children for all the choices they will be making and ensuring that they are ready to handle them.

Seize the “teachable moments.” When you get in the minivan, pray on the way to school. When you get home, talk to your kids BEYOND yes and no answers. When you put your kids to bed, pray and talk and connect with them. Process life with your children.

Don’t ignore or sidestep the real questions of life. Tough questions don’t need to be avoided but can provide a wonderful opportunity to teach a Biblical worldview. If you don’t answer your child’s question, someone else will. Pause that show and talk about what you just saw. You don’t have to know all the answers. Admit you don’t know, but don’t let youtube give “the talk” to your kids. Process the hard questions; learn together if necessary; call a pastor or a Godly advisor.

Step time with your kids. Cultivation only happens when the gardener is with the garden.

Attention, Israel! God, our God! God the one and only! Love God, your God, with your whole heart: love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got! Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9 MSG)

#3 To grow champions, let your actions COMMUNICATE Godly values and beliefs.

Actions communicate values and beliefs. Our lives communicate values and validate beliefs. What we do more than anything else indicates what we believe. Kids follow the example of parents.

The apostle Paul understood the importance of example, “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1 NIV). Our standard is based not on what others do or don’t do, not on the lowest common denominator with another family; our standard is Jesus Christ and His presence in our lives.

American humorist Will Rogers wisely quipped, “Peoples’ minds are changed through observation and not argument.” What are you kids seeing you do? What kind of faith-trail are you leaving for them to follow? Consider the following statistics:

  • 89% of what we learn comes from what we SEE
  • 10% from what we HEAR
  • 1% through other senses

Follow the leader is not just a game that kids play. Following the leader is the way children embrace the values of people they trust (whether right or wrong). What are your children seeing you do? We don’t need to send mixed-messages to children. Everything you do and everything you are is the model for kids.

#4 To grow champions, work your spiritual CORE.

Have you developed your own spiritual life? Every athlete knows the importance of having a strong core, the source of your power and strength. Well, your core is the REAL you. Everything you do flows out of who you are. Your ability to influence others is directly related to the confidence people place in your credibility. We need to be disciplined in our own lives BEFORE we can be effective in others’ lives. WITHOUT a solid core, there is no compass, no consistency and no credibility. Core exercises include Bible reading, prayer, connecting, serving, giving, and sharing.

“What we live by we impart.” (Augustine)

February 5, 2013

Connect With Kids So Kids Can Safely Connect

Abraham was chosen to be a blessing to the whole earth, but his calling began in a simple way. Abraham was charged by God to lead “by parental authority as well as by personal example” (The Pulpit Commentary: Genesis, p. 246). Abraham was called to teach his own household, who again would hand down the truth to their households.  Abraham’s being a blessing to the world depended on his being a blessing to his own home.

“For I have chosen him, so that he may command  his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring upon Abraham what He has spoken about him.”  Genesis 18:19 NASB

COMMAND = to “command,” “order,” “direct,” “instruct” his children.

 One BIG reason God chose Abraham to bless the whole world was the fact that Abraham would instruct his children. As parents, we can not afford to shirk our duty to train our children. Christian Parenting Today  (Jan/Feb 2000) shared a story that made me laugh:

While listening to the song “Train Up a Child,” my daughter Emily asked me what “train up” means. I explained that it means to teach children about God and the difference between right and wrong.

“Are you and Daddy training me up?” she asked.

“We’re trying to,” I said.

Emily turned back to the stereo and muttered, “We’ll see about that.”

One area where adolescents need parental insight is social media. Even if you think your kids know more than you about “all that internet stuff” – you are still called by God to be a PARENT! We must connect with our kids so that our kids can safely connect online.

Two years ago my daughter Kimberlyn agonized over some of the information she encountered via social media. Her concern prompted a research paper for English class and ultimately resulted in an open letter which was published in the January 2011 Ignite magazine. I thought the message needed to be highlighted once again.

An Open Letter to My Parents By Kimberlyn Simon

Mom and Dad, I feel pressure to connect to social networking – most kids my age are active online and I don’t want to be left out. Actually, I really enjoy getting online, reading the posts from friends, and catching up with what’s going on in my world. But, Mom and Dad, some of what’s happening is scary. Most of the discussion happening online is silly or nonsensical or normal. However, I think some of it is unhealthy and some of it is very dangerous.

Without any hesitation and with little thought, millions of teens daily use social networking to greet friends, to get information, and to post status updates. Teens are in jeopardy because they exercise little caution with the precious particulars posted on social networking sites. Vast numbers post personal info without even considering the vulnerability such honesty exposes, and many teens are ignorantly accepting harmful advice.

Please, keep on talking to me. I recently did a research paper on the dangers of social networking and I discovered some astonishing facts. Mom and Dad, did you know that forty percent of teens tell almost nothing to their parents about what all they do online? Keep on asking me what I am doing online. Thank you for not just asking but looking to see what I am posting. Thanks for reading what I am posting!

I go to worship services every week, pay attention in youth meetings, and attend a Christian school. Online, I am friends with lots of kids who go to church. I really don’t think that some of their parents are keeping up with what is happening. Some of the profile pictures I see from kids are dark, as if they are crying out for help. Some the status updates I read really shock me because I have never heard my friends use that language in person. I have friends who use cuss words in their status updates. Online teenagers seem to be free to complain, to rebel, to curse, and even to take God’s Name in vain.

I read posts from lots of people. Most are real friends, not just people I have friend-ed on facebook. But there are posts discussing disgusting material. Abuse has twisted social media into something that puts real dangers in the short reach of teenagers like me. You are my parents. I am reassured to think you are pleasing God when you train me. Thanks for doing your job. Guide me. Help me filter out the junk and hold on the good.

Sometimes I struggle to sort out the large amount of information available online. There is lots of healthy advice, but some groups actually encourage destructive behavior like anorexia, cutting, and even suicide. Social networking might be helpful, for some, but discussing suicide via social sites keeps destructive thoughts fresh in the minds of young people. Teens debate reasons for suicide and even exchange information on how to do it.

Insecure teens are especially vulnerable to networking sites that reinforce negative self-image. Some teens struggling with thoughts about the inadequacies of their own body, visit pro-anorexic sites to somehow be accepted and understood, but instead discover how to adopt and to hide this life-killing lifestyle. Some sites display pictures of deathly-skinny girls and extol this unhealthy image as the ideal.

Social networking supplies a lot of helpful communication; but, some groups do not give wise counsel. I learned from my research that social networking also puts me at higher risk for burglary, identity theft, pedophilia, and unhealthy exposure to pornography and gambling. The potential for harm is real.

Mom and Dad, I am so fortunate that you are my parents. Social networking can be a helpful thing but I seriously profit from your honest maturity and practiced wisdom. I want to exercise critical thinking skills but I benefit from your watchful adult supervision. Mom and Dad, I don’t want my friends to be hurt and I don’t want to be in danger. Thanks for talking to me. Thanks for looking at what I am posting. Thanks for praying for me. Thank you for connecting with me so that I can safely connect online.

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